Here's your game plan for managing common uncomfortable moments, straight from those who witness them often.

In a dream world, you'd find a therapist who just gets you -- a mental soulmate who can finish your sentences and call you out on your sh*t (in the way that makes you want to be better). Reality is, even the best-meaning therapists can, to steal a word from their own vocab, trigger you from time to time.

That's actually a good thing! The relational dynamics that unfold inside a session are a fantastic mirror to those that take place outside of it, says Lynn Bufka, PhD, a licensed psychologist and head of practice for the American Psychological Association (APA). If you can manage uncomfortable moments with your therapist, you're well on your way to doing so in other areas of your life.

It's also helpful to know that the following situations are incredibly common, because at the end of the day, hey: We're all human.

Of course, it's natural to crush. Your therapist is probably the only person who gives you 100 percent of their attention, helps you process and heal from scarring events, and cheers you on without expecting anything in return. You might even think you're in love with them, particularly if you haven't had a consistently positive, supportive relationship in your life, explains Bufka.

The best thing you can do? Spill the beans. "A good therapist will help you understand and navigate your emotions, and determine the best course of action," Bufka says. You probably won't need to find a new clinician, as most of the time, the feelings aren't real. You have to remember that you know very little about your therapist outside of your time together. It's more that you're finally getting the safe space and support you've been needing.

If you're struggling to speak it out, Marnie Shanbhag, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Winter Park, Florida, and head of the APA's Office of Independent Practice, recommends the old "asking for a friend" trick -- a professional will see right through that. Either way, this won't be the least awkward convo you'll ever have. But being vulnerable and honest with someone about your emotions? Very rewarding.

Just like romantic feelings, sudden rageful ones are a sign of transference: when you misplace emotions for one person or situation onto another. "This tends to happen when you're getting into deep-rooted events from the past," says Shanbhag. But it can also happen if your therapist uses a catch phrase or has a mannerism that reminds you of someone you know and don't particularly like.

"Transference is a great teacher of emotional regulation," says Shanbhag, meaning that it can teach you to identify exactly what you're feeling and why, then unpack whether you really need to be feeling that way. "Most of the time, a therapist will pick up on negative emotional responses and bring them up before you do."

If they don't, the same prescription applies: Let them know. "As soon as you feel the irritation, say, 'Hey, I appreciate this discussion. But to be honest, I'm finding myself annoyed as we get into it,'" suggests Shanbhag. "No therapist should be offended by that -- they should be proud of your ability to speak up and redirect accordingly."

You're having a surprisingly easy-breezy week, stuff at home is good, you're gearing up for a girls trip in Portugal, and...you have therapy at 2. You should totally cancel, right?

Nooope. "Some of the best sessions I've ever had with clients are ones when they felt they had nothing to discuss," says Satya Doyle Byock, a psychotherapist in Portland, Oregon, director of The Salome Institute of Jungian Studies, and author of Quarterlife: The Search for Self in Early Adulthood. It's counterintuitive, but "when life has calmed down a little and you're not dealing with any emotional fires, we can get into deeper layers of who you are and how you function."

Tory Eletto, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Larchmont, New York, agrees. "Not only do you have smoother ground to dig into patterns and make connections around them, because you're feeling generally good, but it's also a nice time to check in on how it feels to feel good," she says. "It can be really hard, especially coming out of the pandemic, for people to stay in a place of joy. A nice way to help someone hold on to that is by helping them understand what may have gotten them there."

So, what to talk about? Byock recommends bringing in a dream, if you can. "The unconscious expresses valuable topics for exploration that are beckoning for time and attention," she says. In lieu of a dream (if you can't remember one), go Eletto's route: Talk about what feels good, dammit.

Full disclosure: Awkward silence is a common reason that people switch therapists. "Silence is a technique that some therapists use to help a client sort through their own thoughts in the name of self-development and skill building," says Byock. While it can be effective for some, for others, "it kicks off self-doubt and even neuroses, because it goes against the natural human dynamic to have a conversation."

If you're not into it, the good news is, the technique has faded quite a bit in recent years. "About a decade ago, data showed that people were dissatisfied with therapy and felt that their practitioner wasn't active enough in their approach," says Yasmine Saad, founder and director of Madison Park Psychological Services. "COVID only encouraged the active approach more. So the silent therapist doesn't exist as much."

Still, those uncomfortable pauses can come up. If you run into them regularly, Byock says to fill the space by addressing them. Try, "I actually don't love these silences. Can you help me avoid them?" Or, "Do you want to hear anything else?"

And if you have found yourself a silent therapist after all -- and they're still not getting it after you've voiced your truth -- don't feel bad about parting ways. A therapist who doesn't listen to you and adjust based on your feedback isn't holding up their end of the contract, says Byock. Permission to leave, granted.

Ugh, the worst. But! Kudos to your partner for taking care of their mental health...and wanting to help yours.

While they likely mean well, says Eletto, those holier-than-thou remarks can be a one-way ticket to confrontation. "It's way more helpful to model self-awareness than to pinpoint someone else's tendencies or flaws," she notes.

Next time they hit you with an educated zing ("You should try meditating next time you feel emotionally flooded"), try responding like this: "I genuinely love that therapy is going so well for you. I'd love it even more if you could redirect what you're learning on yourself rather than turning me into a copatient." And if that doesn't sit well: "Perhaps I could come to a session with you to talk about what you're noticing?"

Now, if you catch yourself starting to do this to them, be the example of good behavior. Call yourself out, with a "Crap, I notice I'm being dodgy instead of asking for what I want. Sorry!" Hopefully they will start to do the same.

Next Article: Inside A Secret Therapist Group Chat

Illustrations by Lauren Tamaki. Photography by Lauren Coleman. Prop Styling by Jenna Tedesco.