4. I'm retired, so I guess I'm the asshole on my team now, but at my last job

there was a guy who managed to transform passive-aggressive behavior into an art form. He was unfailingly polite, even cordial, to your face, but he was constantly sending emails to the whole department about how somebody or everybody was doing some particular thing wrong, and his way was the (only) right way. This continual picking even went as far as complaining that the rest of us, or maybe just some of us, were not using the "correct" typeface in internal email correspondence. He had his particular way of doing things and in staff meetings he'd complain that others weren't doing these little things the same way - things that nobody, including management - cared about. Sometimes his way was actually not the right way but God help you if you pointed that out - though mostly we just left him alone. He retired rather suddenly and he was not missed.